13

Supermarket Flowers. This is a relatively new song to the playlist, but it fits nicely into the story right here. As I listen to this song I hear a man packing up the hospital room for his mom as they take her home to prepare for the final trip Home. Ugh. Just one of the worst days. A day filled with such mixed emotions. While you're glad that you get the chance to know the end is coming and that it wasn't thrust on you in some terrible accident, you also must acknowledge that the end is here. 

My own Supermarket Flowers day was a whirlwind. What a holy and terrifying privilege to prepare a deathbed for someone. Dad and I moved the furniture around in their room to get the hospital bed in just the right spot. Could she see the lake? Was there a spot for a visitor to sit? Were there beautiful flowers to look at? I threw some notes into a Women's Ministry meeting I was supposed to be attending and begged prayer that Hospice would be able to find the mattress that she had been most comfortable in, that had eased the pain of her bedsores in the hospital as I dashed back out the door. I scrambled through Target to find twin-sized sheets. There was a beautiful set with peacocks- one of her favorites. I found a comforter that was exquisitely soft.  I got everything washed and put on the newly placed bed (and mattress we'd begged for). 

Next, it was time to switch back to Mom duty and take my youngest to get her allergy shot. While we were out she asked where Granna's hospital was. I told her we were close and asked if she'd like to drive by and wave out the window. It is now early February and the kids last saw Granna on Christmas day. She said she'd like that. I knew Mom and Dad were just waiting to see when an ambulance would be available to take her home so I texted and let her know what we were doing. 

Fortunately, Mom was able to decipher the autocorrect and understood what we were doing. That's us parked in front of where her room was in the hospital.

 
"...there's a tear every time that I blink."

"Oh I'm in pieces, it's tearing me up, but I know a heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved."

"And when God takes you back we'll say Hallelujah You're home."

We thought we were preparing for a hospice stay. We thought she'd be coming home for a while. I remember praying and asking God that if we have to do this, if we have to do hospice, and we have to do drugs, and in and out of conscientiousness, would He grant us a moment of clarity at the end so that we could say we loved her and know that she knew. John and I sat at their house until 11:00 pm when the ambulance finally arrived with its precious cargo. They got her settled and we messed with oxygen machines until her numbers were satisfactory. She loved her room and we spent the next two hours laughing and talking. I don't think I've stayed up until 1 in the morning with my parents, well, ever. I don't know why we stayed until they finally got home and I don't know why we kept talking. But we did. We thought we'd be coming back to visit the next day. 

But then, just as quickly this song changes tenses, I got the call the next morning that changed our tense. I had dropped my older kids off at school and was just getting into the bath to try to wrestle through the emotions of the previous day and the tiredness of the late night. Dad had gone to start coffee for mom and realized he hadn't heard her. Never one for drama, Mom had said her goodbyes and was already Home. No lingering, no loitering, no more ambulance rides, we unknowingly had thoroughly enjoyed our moment. There was a beautiful arrangement of supermarket flowers and a last text message that read "Love you two🧡"
God took her back and said, "Hallelujah, you're Home!"

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I took the supermarket flowers from the windowsill
I threw the day old tea from the cup
Packed up the photo album Matthew had made
Memories of a life that's been loved
Took the get well soon cards and stuffed animals
Poured the old ginger beer down the sink
Dad always told me, "Don't you cry when you're down"
But mum, there's a tear every time that I blink
Oh I'm in pieces, it's tearing me up, but I know
A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved
So I'll sing Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum
When I fell down you'd be there holding me up
Spread your wings as you go
And when God takes you back we'll say Hallelujah
You're home
Fluffed the pillows, made the beds, stacked the chairs up
Folded your nightgowns neatly in a case
John says he'd drive then put his hand on my cheek
And wiped a tear from the side of my face
I hope that I see the world as you did 'cause I know
A life with love is a life that's been lived
So I'll sing Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum
When I fell down you'd be there holding me up
Spread your wings as you go
And when God takes you back we'll say Hallelujah
You're home
Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum
You got to see the person I have become
Spread your wings and I know
That when God took you back he said Hallelujah
You're home