15 till 1

So here we are. It's been a year. I stumbled up  Visiting Hour s not too long ago and immediately could relate to so much in this song.  There are so many times when I just wish I could have one little petty minute with mom. I know she doesn't want to come back, but I just need to know how long she cooked the roast for, how many siblings did her grandmother have, how do I hem a pair of pants, how many forks did I get when we got married- I think I'm missing some. Never mind, that one's in the binder.  Selfishly I really miss knowing she's sitting in her bed just waiting on me to show up and bring her the news. I miss snapping pictures of things the kids are doing or things I see at stores to show her the next time I'm with her. I miss being able to just ramble about whatever was bothering me- who was she going to tell or where did she have to be that I needed to rush. It was like having a little bird in a cage that I could play with whenever I wanted. I grieve t...

This post didn't have a good spot chronologically, but there's definitely more that needs to be said about the first holiday without Mom. This song was released this past holiday season, and that would be my fav, Brad Paisley, on the guitar. The timing of this release couldn't have been more perfect or more heartbreaking. I honestly just wasn't even sure that Christmas could happen without my mom here. It's been one of my greatest fears since I was a child. She WAS the magic of Christmas. Her firm conviction that there IS a Santa was enough to give me pause as a grown woman when I would stuff my children's stockings. As someone who decorates with ornaments that belonged to my great-grandmother, it's an understatement to say that it's a sentimental time of year for me. So I had no idea what to expect this year.  Last year's Christmas in many ways was almost harder. I put up our tree and fell to pieces because I knew mom wouldn't make it to our hou...

Whoever coined the phrase "the Devil's in the details" never met my mom. I think Details was her middle name. I can remember her getting the house cleaned up for company to come over once and finding her changing the shelf paper in a bathroom. "Mom, do you really think they're going to look in there!?!" She and my mother-in-law spent hours shelf papering my kitchen when we moved into our current house- it has now either been thrown away or is scrunched up in the back corner of the drawers, because that was the last time I thought about it. Last weekend, I opened the doors to a wardrobe that was in my bedroom growing up and saw the beautiful Laura Ashely scented shelf paper that mom had lined it with. Now THAT was some shelf paper.  I think I derailed.... Details. Mom was a detail person. In fact, I just got her planner for my wedding. I had my own notebook that I used to keep up with everything. But now that I've looked through hers, she must have been t...

" Heart and Soul "....was it really a trip to Granna's without a piano "lesson"? She spent time with both of my older girls teaching them a little piano and they had this duet perfected. I remember her teaching it to me years ago and feeling so big when my hands were finally big enough to make the stretch between the two notes of "madly/gladly"! Photo: Mom at her childhood piano -------------------------------- Heart and soul, I fell in love with you, lost control, the way a fool would do, Gladly... Because you held me tight, And stole a kiss in the night.. Heart and soul, I begged to be adored, Lost control, and tumbled overboard, Gladly... That magic night we kissed, There in the moon mist. Oh! but your lips were thrilling, much too thrilling, Never before were mine so strangely willing. But now I see, what one embrace can do, Look at me, it's got me loving you, Madly... That little kiss you stole, Held all my heart and soul.

Today is going to be quick, easy, and fun. I'll never forget the Christmas that Mom got a bee in her bonnet about finding the Jackson 5 Christmas album. I don't know if we had it and had lost it, if we had it on record and she wanted the cassette/CD, or if she just decided she'd had enough of waiting to hear it on the radio and needed her own personal copy. But away we went to Be Bop Record Shop to make the purchase. She adored baby Micheal's voice. "I DID! I really did see Santa. Guys, you gotta believe me, you just GOTTA  believe me!" Several songs from that album have become seasonal favorites of mine. So, naturally, they made the playlist. Enjoy! ---------------------------- "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"

I hesitated to put this story in. It might be too real. It might be too much. But after weighing it over and over, I've decided that the lesson from it is a good one and one that needs to be shared.  Towards the end of Mom's life, she didn't rest very well. She was exhausted from a lack of oxygen and from fighting pneumonia for months. When I would spend time with her at the hospital or at home she'd fall asleep at the drop of a hat, but then would be extremely fitful and filled with dreams. I'm not gonna lie, it was hard to watch. There were times I wanted to yell, "Stop fighting it, just go to sleep!" like she had said to my kids when they were toddlers and wouldn't nap. Most of the time, she'd wake herself up talking.  Here's where the lesson and song come in. The things she'd wake up saying were nuts. I'd look over at her as her eyes focused. She sheepishly look at me, grin a little, and then I'd let go of the laugh I was attemp...