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One of the things that surprised me most after the death of my mother was the friendships. The friends of hers that needed to be heard and to hear from me and friends of mine from years ago that showed up in different ways. I held one of her former ESL students as she fell to pieces at mom's visitation and we've stayed in touch ever since. A friend from my early childhood Sunday School class who's mother died the year before reached out to me and continued to do so for  months. Another relationship is the friend mom made in Denver, CO at National Jewish Hospital. NJH is the research center for the disease she had and on one of the many trips there she befriended a fellow patient in a waiting room. They continued to support one another through the years. The day mom passed we opened her phone to find an email from this friend. It turns out Mom had told her the day before that she was going home from the hospital to hospice care, but that "it was time." She had not shared that with any of us and it was such a comfort to know she had a confidant that she felt safe leaving those words with. Sometimes those closest to you are just too close.

Later that day, I emailed Mom's friend to let her know that mom had in fact passed away, peacefully in her sleep and to thank her for her friendship. That email turned into two and then three and now we check in on one another occasionally. She has kept me up to date with her progress and treatments. One day this summer she sent me an email to let me know she was praying for me with a link to the song  "Scars in Heaven".  I wrote back and asked her to tell me more about herself and she replied with a beautiful life story and testimony.  I'll share a highlight from it: "I’ve purposefully omitted most everything about my lung disease. It does impact my daily life. It does not define me. Because of it, I was blessed with your mother’s bright light. I will be forever grateful for her presence in my life. I recently went back and reread some of our email exchanges. I just wanted to feel close to her."

These friendships are so beautiful. They are what turn your loved one into a three dimensional being. Even though I've spent my life knowing my mom, meeting these ladies from different phases and areas of her life has added dimension and definition to her portrait. They are the highlights and shadows that have brought her to life. 

Photo: One that a college friend of mom shared with me a few days after her death. It was from a spring break trip to Florida. They may or may not have seen Joe Namath at a gas station on the way. The world will never. Someone forgot to put film in the camera before they posed for a picture with him. 

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"Scars in Heaven"

If I had only known the last time would be the last time
I would've put off all the things I had to do
I would've stayed a little longer, held on a little tighter
Now what I'd give for one more day with you
'Cause there's a wound here in my heart where something's missing
And they tell me that it's gonna heal with time
But I know you're in a place where all your wounds have been erased
And knowing yours are healed is healing mine

The only scars in Heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in Heaven are on the hands that hold you now

I know the road you walked was anything but easy
You picked up your share of scars along the way
Oh, but now you're standing in the sun, you've fought your fight and your race is run
The pain is all a million miles away

The only scars in Heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in Heaven, yeah, are on the hands that hold you now

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, for the hands that hold you now

There's not a day goes by that I don't see you
You live on in all the better parts of me
Until I'm standing with you in the sun, I'll fight this fight and this race I'll run
Until I finally see what you can see, oh-oh

The only scars in Heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in Heaven are on the hands that hold you now

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