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Lest you all think my musical tastes rests solely in the Psalms of 16th-century monks, today's selection is from Eric Church. The Chief. We're still on that uncharacteristic run and tears are streaming down my face as I've been serenading the neighborhood with "From the Depths of Woe". I'm soaking in the rich truths of that song and when it ends "Record Year" begins. I know we rely a lot on Bezos's algorithms, but I place faith in the One who first spoke ones and zeros into existence and this song was the perfect follow-up that day.

If you're not familiar with it, it's a ballad by a guy whose love has walked out on him and he's battling the heartbreak with music and a few stiff drinks. While the circumstances of our losses were vastly different this song grabbed my attention like it never had before. My mom was going to be leaving. What was I going to do with that pain?

I had just been reassured that God was not going to destroy me, but this song pressed back, "Are YOU  going to destroy you?" I knew I wanted to sit in silence by myself, I wanted to turn my house into a jail, I wanted to die too. But I was reminded that I was not just a daughter to my mom. I was a wife, a mom, and a sister. I had been called to each of these things and one of my favorite mantras is, "He will equip you for what He has called you to." I repeat it to myself all the time and say it to friends when they are feeling overwhelmed and like "I can't do this." The other one that my kids hate hearing from me is "we do hard things." It's the refined version of my mom and dad's favorite "put your big girl panties on and deal with it!" I had to accept that even though I wanted to melt into that pavement under my feet, God was going to equip me with what I needed to face the coming trial. He had called me to more than just one label and while I needed to finish out that calling well in the next few months, I had more blessings that needed stewarding. I decided there that if God wouldn't destroy me, I wouldn't either. 

I was also reminded that while I was Mom's daughter, I was also the daughter of the King. Has every need not already been met? Has every other refining fire not been fruitful? Does the potter really need the clay's advice? 

So that morning when I returned home a soggy, snotty mess, I came home with a gift. With a few actually. With a renewed faith, with a down in a hole-nothing to offer-rug pulled out from under me posture in front of the Lord, and with music. Over the next months, these two songs were the beginning of a playlist. I'm not sure yet if it is complete or how I'll know when it is. It has been so sweet to see the tapestry that has been in progress my whole life. The songs that have been in the background of our lives have become the soundtrack that we were unaware of. 

Since you turned the tables on me
I've been steady and learnin' lonely
Keepin' this turntable spinnin'
Everything from Jones to Jennings
Slowly plannin' my survival
In a three foot stack of vinyl
Since you had to walk outta here
I've been havin' a record year
I bet you thought before you left
I'd just sit in silence by myself
Turn this house into a jail
Dyin' slow in a livin' hell
But love's got a funny way of keepin' score
And your leavin' lit up my scoreboard
I usually make it through side A sober
All bets are off when I flip her over
One bourbon, one scotch, one beer
I'm havin' a record year
Quarter notes and Hank's half time
Are poundin' on this heart of mine
Song to song, I pass my time
With these speakers on ten
Your good and gone keeps me up all night
Along with Songs In The Key Of Life
I'm either gonna get over you
Or I'm gonna blow out my ears
Yeah, you're out there now
Doin' God knows how, and I'm stuck here
Havin' a record year
Your leavin' left me goin' crazy
I'm countin' on a needle to save me
I drop it in the groove
And we go 'round and 'round
And down in a spiral
I guess I really oughta call and thank you
I rediscovered Red Headed Stranger
Got down with old James Brown
And found New Grass Revival
If you find your way back, I owe you a beer
For my record year
Quarter notes and Hank's half time
Are poundin' on this heart of mine
Song to song, I pass my time
With these speakers on ten
Your good and gone keeps me up all night
Along with Songs In The Key Of Life
I'm either gonna get over you
Or I'm gonna blow out my ears
Yeah, you're out there now
Doin' God knows how, but I'm stuck here
Havin' a record year

Yeah, I'm havin' a record year 

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